


Broken girl of steel

by MuchOTPSuchShips



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Coma, F/F, Fluff, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Torture, Psychological Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-17
Updated: 2018-01-31
Packaged: 2019-03-06 01:32:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13400631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MuchOTPSuchShips/pseuds/MuchOTPSuchShips
Summary: Supergirl is thrown in a coma because of some alien poison. In it, she faces her worst fear, Lena as the Luthor everyone thought she could become.





	1. Chapter 1

"Supergirl, Kara, can you hear me? Are you awake?" Lena! Oh thanks Rao you're alright! 

Kara wants to open her eyes, wants to smile at her friend, to grab her in a tight hug and never let go. But everything hurts. She feels nauseous and struggles to open her eyes. She regrets it instantly. All she sees first is green light coming from a pit over with she seems to be suspended by her wrists, which would explain the pain in her arms. She tries to break free of the thick metal shackles holding her but the only response she receives is a chuckle from in front of her.

"Oh don't even bother, these magnificent little bracelets are made of titanium, and with you as weak as a newborn brat I doubt you'd be able to do much damage." Kara looked up to Lena and even that small movement made her grit her teeth at the ache in her neck. Lena was... not Lena. It couldn't be. The stranger in front of Kara didn't have Lena' s teasing and sweet eyes, instead, they were a grayish green, dark, hollow, cold. The woman's grin was a predatory one, one that knew it had won everything. She was accompanied by two guards in what looked like full riot gear by her side, she herself was wearing a dark green dress and her dark hair in a style that Kara couldn't name. It couldn't be her, and yet...

"L-lena?" Kara could taste blood in her mouth, was that just from saying one word? She didn't have much time to think about it as a blow to her face cut her across the cheek. She could feel blood dripping already.

"That's Queen Luthor to you, Supergirl. Or should I call you Kara? After all, Supergirl is dead." She gave the kryptonite infused batton back to the guard she'd borrow it from, the devilish grin still on her face. Kara's head was pounding, the cut on her cheek burning. Too focused on the pain, she almost didn't hear Lena whispering in her ear before she left along with her two guards.

"You should feel honored, I don't usually dirty my own hands."

________

 

Soon, the walls of her circular prison revealed themselves to be screens. The first thing she was shown was an old news report of herself, Supergirl, fighting Lena in her brother's old battle armor. Lena had won. Kara had crashed down on the pavement and hadn't gotten up. The scene was played on repeat. How Lena had thrown her across streets like she weighed nothing. How she wasn't able to fight back. How she'd lost.

 

_________

 

Kara screamed at the top of her lungs, tears running down her face, struggling to breath through sobs. Not Alex. Not Alex. Not Alex. Not Winn. Not James. Not J'onn. Not Alex. NOT ALEX.

At last, she fainted, the sounds of her friends and family getting tortured, beaten, killed even, still loudly playing on the screens around her.

 

_________

 

"Let's try this again, shall we? Who am I?" Kara breathed shakily through sobs. When she spoke, her voice was unsteady and dry.

"Lena... y-you're Lena. Please, I know this isn-" Her bottom lip split open, adding on the the many bruises and still fresh scars that covered her body. Lena sighed. Without a word she left, and the screens were turned on again. Kara couldn't tell which screams were hers and which were her companions'. 

 

_________

 

"-am I?"

"Luthor... Queen Luthor. Please, I'm begging you just-just..." Kara spat out blood trying to speak as fast as she was. The queen looked at her, her eyes almost sad if she could feel anything. She sighed.

"I'm sorry Kara, I truly am, but I'm just not sure you really believe it yet." She held Kara's chin, looking in her eyes, a sort of regret on her face. She dropped the blond's chin, nodded to one of her guards and left again, ignoring Kara's crying pleas being her.

 

_________

 

Kara was shaking. No longer able to speak or cry. Everything was just gone, she'd lost it all. Everthing she cared about was dead or worse, and she had no doubt she would soon follow. She was going to be killed by the person she loved most...

"Congrats gentlemen, I believe we've broken the girl of steel." 

"Just... kill me, please..."

 

_________

 

"Supergirl, Kara, can you hear me? Are you awake?" Lena sat in silence, listening to Kara's heart rate monitor, making sure it was still going. She held one of Kara's hand in hers, rubbing small circles on it with her thumb. She felt warm. Even if she hasn't opened her eyes in three agonizingly long month she felt warm. Sometimes if was the only sign she was still alive, when her heartbeat would rise or stop for moments. Lena always left during those moments, not wanting to see or hear the panicked doctors doing whatever they were doing to Kara. She squeezed Kara's hand a bit tighter. The door opened and she looked up as Alex came in, two coffees in hand.

Lena thanked her for the coffee and Alex sat down, making small chat. The usual, Kara's condition, how Lena should go rest, few words about L-Corp and DEO related business. And Kara. After a small conversation and long hours of silence, Lena listened to Alex and went to rest. As she was about to leave, a weak and dry voice stopped her.

"...Luthor." Lena twisted around and went back to her seat, getting Kara's hand back into hers as Alex ran out to get doctors.

"Hey, hey Kara I'm here it's okay everything's okay." Lena smiled at the blond, tears of relief escaping her as blue eyes opened at last. Oh my god. She brought one of her hands to her mouth, trying to hide the gasp of terror that escaped her. God Kara, what have they done to you? The warmth. The warmth was gone from those beautiful blue eyes. Fear and hatred had replaced them. Lena started sobbing. She knew she should be strong for Kara, but she just broke seeing her ice cold eyes. As she cried, she didn't noticed a hand slowly reaching up to her.

The last thing she saw was Alex blurring by her as a hand of steel grabbed her throat. The only sound audible, spat out like the worst insult anyone could think of:

Luthor.

 

_________

 

Lena was in the med bay, safe. Alex had gotten there in time. She didn't have to fight Kara, her younger sister had just broken down crying when she'd seen her. Agents came in to take Lena somewhere safe while Alex had stayed with Kara, comforting her as she cried and whimpered out incoherent phrases. 

She was in shock. Those were the only explanation that they received from the doctors and scientists still trying to figure out what the poison that sent her in the comma had been. After many tests and checks, Alex took Kara back to her apartment, they stayed together all night, neither wanting to leave the other's side. They stayed quiet. 

In the morning, Alex had called Lena, away from Kara since her name brought on panic attacks. Lena was fine. At least her throat was, surprisingly. She asked if she could see Kara. The answer was no, it wasn't safe, but that Alex would keep in touch with Lena and give her updates on her condition. Lena wanted to argue but knew it wouldn't change anything, it wouldn't change whatever Kara had seen or dreamed while in her coma.

 

________

 

"Kara, it's been two weeks, please?" Kara was sitting on the couch, sipping coffee from the mug Alex had handed her. She was better, she started smiling a bit again although just politely most of the time. She hasn't gotten out of her apartment yet and she still woke up crying and screaming in the middle of the night, which was why Alex still stayed with her. She starting eating too and she looked like had she gotten her colors back. She sighed.

"I guess... ask away." God she was tired, but then again, restless night filled with unknown nightmares probably did that to you.

"What happened while you were in your coma?" Kara tried to take a deep breath as steadily as she could. She proceeded to tell her of the nightmare that felt so real, of her seeing everyone she loved like that, of the pain that stung, but not of Lena, she couldn't bring herself to say her name or to think about her, the thought still made her nauseous.

The whole time, Alex nodded understandingly, holding her hand when Kara looked like she might break down again, she didn't pressure her and offered to take breaks but Kara simply shook her head, insisting that she needed to tell her.

When Alex asked about Lena and why she'd try to kill her, Kara broke down, kept on repeating "it was her, it was her" through sobs. That night, while Kara was sleeping for the few hours she did each night, Alex called Lena to tell her about what she'd learn.

"I figured it must've been something like that, but I never imagined it could've been so bad. No wonder she tried to kill me, I would've done the same. Turns out even Kara Danvers doesn't trust me, what a shocker." Lena let out a heartless chuckle as Alex listened patiently.

"Lena you know it wasn't like that, she saw her worst nightmares in that coma, she saw what she feared most-"

"Glad to know that's me."

"Lena shut your drunk ass up and listen to me! Before all of that, you were the only thing she talked about, you were the reason she called me in the middle of the night because she thought something happened to you, you were the reason she rushed in to save the day without a second thought if that meant you'd be okay. Her worst nightmare wasn't you turning on her or hurting her, it was her not being able to save you from yourself. Goddammit why don't you get that, Luthor? She freaking loves you alright? She's just scared because whenever she closes her eyes she still sees what you could become if you can't save you, what you could've become. And that scares the shit out of her because you mean so much to her." She stopped when she heard Lena, a mix between crying and laughing. 

"Thanks Mama Danvers, thanks for trying."

 

_________

 

Kara went to get the door, not bothering to use her x-ray vision since she wasn't expecting anyone but delivery from that Chinese place down the street, she opened the door with a polite smile but stopped dead in her tracks.

"Hi." There, in front of her, was the woman who used to be part of her best dreams and now who she'd only see in her worst nightmares. She didn't have as many now, but after a month, she still had some most nights.

"Please don't shut the door." Lena pleaded, raising her hand towards Kara and quickly bringing it back down when she saw the blond flinch at her sudden movement. Kara didn't say anything, too focused on steadying her breathing.

"I uhm, saw the delivery guy downstairs and I figured it was for you so..." She slowly held up the brown paper bag in her hand. Kara didn't respond, she tried to look anywhere but at the woman in from to her, finally realizing how interesting her doormat was. Lena sighed and tried to appear as if she wasn't heartbroken as she really was.

"Look, can I come in, please? Alex told me what happened, so please?" Kara looked surprise for a moment, but she finally gave up and stepped to the side, allowing Lena to enter. The dark haired woman breathed out in relief. They sat on the couch, opposite to each other, Kara nibbling at her food, so unlike her. They stayed in silence for a little while, both staring at the other. 

Lena looked at the blond, finnaly getting a good look and noticing the bags under her eyes, the way she sat, knees to her chest, how slowly she ate her food as if it was the last bite she'll ever have.

Kara examined Lena, debating whether the look of concern and affection was sincere in the green eyes, shivering when she remembered the cold, hollow ones of her nightmare. She mumbled something inaudible.

"What?" Lena leaned in a bit, but not too much, she couldn't scare her, attempting to hear Kara's words.

"I'm sorry..." Lena was about to protest, tell her she had nothing to apologize for, but Kara continued, refusing to be interrupted even as tears started forming already. 

"I'm sorry for being gone for three months, I'm sorry for worrying all of you, and I'm sorry for... for-" she breathed in deeply, "I'm sorry for trying to kill you when I woke up, it's just- I was just so scared and I- you- and then I didn't talk to you till now and I'm sorry-" Kara hadn't realized that Lena had moved, one of the reasons she flinched when she felt warm arms around her. Her breathing quickened but only for a short time as she relaxed in the safety of the warmth, crying softly in Lena's shoulder while Lena hushed her quietly, whispering gentle words as she held her.

"It's not your fault.

Everything's okay, you're okay.

Don't worry, I got you, I got you.

I love you."

Kara looked up at her at that last one, her eyes still red and puffy, she looked at Lena questioningly. Lena realized too late what she had said, she bit the inside if her cheek, hard. Of course they said it to each other before, but it just felt different this time, more honest and true. Kara had noticed that too.

"Lena..."

"Hey, sorry I uhm I gotta go. Meetings, stuff, you know the usual, but if was really good seeing you again, we should, you know, hang out again, okay?" Lena didn't want to leave Kara in her state, but she also really didn't want to scare her away with dumb feelings after she'd just gotten her back. At least she hoped she'd gotten her back. She stood up from the couch, Kara shivering slightly at the loss of warmth. Lena mumbled out a few more apologizes and promises before excusing herself. Once the door was closed, Kara slumped back on the couch, thinking of how Lena had ignored her pleas, again. 

No, the Luthor of my coma wasn't Lena, Lena just left my apartment and she is kind and sweet unlike Luthor, and she... She... loves me? Kara stared blankly at the motionless TV, she hadn't tried that either, too scared to see what she'd seen in her nighmare, as the realization of what happened crashed on her. She didn't mean it like that idiot, you said that to each other all the time, she was just comforting you cause you broke down, again. Yeah, right, that's what happened, nothing else, stop overthinking everything.

That night, Kara slept seven hours and the nightmares we're kept mostly at bay, a new best.

 

_________

 

Kara "Ray of sunshine" Danvers: hey, you said we'd meet up again, take-away and movies tonight?

Lena sighed at the text. She wanted to answer that hell yes take-away and movies at Kara's, but she new it would inevitably bring up questions, about her awkwardness of a few nights ago, and more questions from her about that other Lena that had been torturing Kara for three months, or was it longer in a nightmare? She shivered, trying to shake off the thought, even a Lena that's wasn't real hurting Kara made her feel sick. 

But if you don't go she'll hate you even more, you're walking on a thin wire here, Luthor. She knew that already, unfortunately. The whole situation sounded incredibly comical. 

Welcome to the "Choose How To Ruin Your Friendship" game!:

A) have your best friend hate you for what a nightmarish version of yourself did to her while she was comatose?

Or

B) let her find out about what a massive crush you have on her and get rejected so bad you'll empty your whole liquor cabinet in one night (not that she didn't already refill it more than a couple times in an unhealthy amount of time)?

Right... B it is... She picked up her phone.

 

_________

 

They hugged. It didn't feel needed like before when Kara had broken down, although both parties thourouly enjoyed it, but it just felt normal, like the most natural thing in the world, and it was. 

The made small talk, L-Corp, how Kara was feeling, when she'd go back to work, when Supergirl would be back in action. In conclusion, they avoided the two elephants in the room at all cost.

They started the movie and shared a blanket, everything normal. Except not, because it wasn't normal for Kara to flinch so much whenever there was the slightest movement happening on screen, and it definitely wasn't normal had Lena's heartbeat rose everytime Kara snuggled closer to her. And yet there they were. The movie ended and neither of them moved as the credits rolled. They stayed there, leaning on each other, not a word spoken. It must've been close to 1am when the comfortable silence was replaced by Kara's soft snores, her breathing even and peaceful. She didn't dream that night.

 

_________

 

Kara woke up with a feeling of emptiness inside her. She quickly sat up, heartbeat rising. She felt herself breath more heavily, panicked. Tears we're threatening her blue eyes and she couldn't, for the love of Rao, find a reason why. All her fears faded away when she heard rushing footsteps coming in her direction.

"Kara? What's wrong, what happened?" Relief washed over the blond when she saw Lena's face, filled with worry that was now unnecessary. Kara stood up and hugged her as tight as she dared, her face squeezing against Lena's shoulder. Instinctively, Lena hugged her back.

"You didn't leave me, oh Rao Lena you didn't leave me..." Lena almost took offence to that, why would she ever leave Kara? How could she?

"Kara, dear, of course I didn't leave you, you're stuck with me for a while." Lena said chuckling, smiling the smile she only ever smiled for Kara. Kara chuckled too, wiping at the tears that had managed to escape, she felt ridiculous now. She quickly apologized, only for Lena to tell her that nonesense she didn't need to apologize, and they had breakfast, talking about their plans for the day. Too soon, Lena had to leave for work, but only before assuring herself for the third time that Kara would be fine.

"Lena, don't worry, Alex is gonna stop by soon and I'm going back to the CEO this evening anyways, so no need to worry." Kara smiled and oh god she was the sun itself and her warm laugh could warm the coldest hearts so Lena just had to take her words for it. They hugged one last time at Kara's dorway but Lena stayed, looking at the floor and fidgeting with her hands. Kara had never seen Lena fidget before. She was about to reassure her once more but Lena opened her mouth.

"Kara, I uhm... I just..." She paused for a little before taking a step forward and oh Rao was Lena gonna kiss her? Kara stayed stupidly still as Lena leaned in with her eyes slightly closed.

Kara didn't dare breath.

Lena closed the distance.

Her lips made contact.

With Kara's cheek.

It lasted about a second or two, then Lena stepped back, blushing as furiously as the blond before her. She quickly mumbled out as a way to excuse herself before starting down the hallway, leaving a paralyzed Kara behind her. A paralyzed Kara who was gently rubbing her cheek where perfect, red lips had been mere seconds ago. Kara stayed in her dorway for much too long, hand going over the same spot of her cheek, going over what had happened over and over.

Lena got in her car, barely telling the driver to go to L-Corp. Too preoccupied with her thoughts.

I missed!? Are you fucking kidding me, I missed!? What the hell!?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyyyyy sorry I haven't updated this one in a while but anyways, new chapter yay! As always kudos and comments make my day so knock yourself out!

The headlines were everywhere, Cat Grant herself had returned to National City for a few days to announce the news.

"Supergirl back in town!"

"Supergirl back after 5 months of absence!"

"The return of Supergirl!"

Everyone talked about it, some had given up hope long ago, others said she was on vacation but all were relieved beyond words at the heroine's return. The DEO especially. 

Dealing with rogue aliens was a much harder task without National City's hero, especially when most of them had taken advantage of the situation to cause as much ruckus as possible. But the hardest part had been to keep the public and press off of their backs while the Girl of Steel was asleep, always having to come up with new excuses.

It had only been three days that Kara was officially back to as Supergirl but the news had already spread throughout the country. That night, after another fire stopped and a train accident kept from happening, Kara stopped by the highest balcony of the city. The CEO office of L-Corp.

She landed softly and knocked on the glass, startling the CEO, too focused on her task at hand. Upon seeing the hero outside, her face immediately lit up.

"Kara! Hi come on in, how are you?" She smiled warmly as they sat down on the white leather couch that occupied the office.

"Well I'm back in business,"

"So I've heard, are you doing okay with it all?" Kara's face darkened, she knew what Lena was talking about and she had hopped she wouldn't bring it up. Upon seeing the worry and almost hurt on the brunette's face however, she quickly forced herself to reassure her.

"Yeah, I have my moments but I- uh- I manage just fine most of the time." She offered her biggest Kara Sunny Danvers smile™ and Lena seemed to buy it, good enough.

"So what brings you here?" Lena asked, straighting her posture.

"I just wanted to say thanks." Lena looked at the Super questioningly.

"Thanks? For what?" Kara smiled warmly, this one more real than the last one. She tentatively reached for Lena's hands and wrapped her own around them once she was sure Lena wouldn't flee the touch.

"Well, you know, for everything. For always being there for me, even before this whole screwed up situation, and especially now. I would've completely understood if you had never wanted to see me again after I..." She breathed in deeply and stared into Lena's kryptonite eyes, finding comfort there. She continued. "But you stayed. And you still wanted to help and everything. And if I'm being honest, it's thanks to you that I got the courage to put the cape back on. So thank you." 

They were both on the verge of tears now. Lena allowed herself to let go of Kara's warm hands for a second to hastily wipe away the traces of weakness while Kara just stared at her, undoubted affection in her sky blue eyes. Lena was not used to any kind of affection, and seeing it in Kara's eyes like that... Love, a voice inside her head told her. A dumb voice. No way a living, breathing goddess like Kara could ever love her. Not like how she wanted her to anyways. She shook the thoughts out of her head, reminding herself that despite the situation, time had not actually stopped and she needed to say something, so she did.

"Please Kara, you're flattering me, I don't deserve such high praises. Of course I stayed by you, anyone would be crazy not to, and I always will stay, for as long as you'll accept me." She smiled and Kara did too, even though they could both feel the fear of abandonment in Lena's words.

"Lena..." And that simple thing, the simple fact of her name coming out the blond's lips, the way it rolled off her tongue, the way it floated through the air like a feather, drenched in powerful emotions. That was Lena's undoing. Her kryptonite. And at that moment Lena listened to the dumb voice. She agreed with it. So she leaned in, slow enough for Kara to realize what she was doing and stop it if she wanted to, but quick enough so that she didn't have too much time to think about it.

And their lips met, ever so softly, this time Lena didn't miss. It was innocent, not hungry and bearly passionate, just to show feelings, that they were there. Kara's lips were soft against Lena's slightly chapped ones, she wouldn't mind losing herself in them. 

She didn't get the chance to. After what felt like light years but still too short, Kara pulled away, one of her hands on Lena's shoulder, delicately pushing her back.

The moment was over, and the dreams and promises were gone. Lena realized her mistake, and now she had to deal with the consequences.

"I-" Kara started but was quickly interrupted by Lena.

"Oh god I'm so sorry Kara I don't what came over me I'm so sorry-" Kara stood up from the couch, still a little dazzed.

"I have to go." That made Lena jerk her head up to meet blue eyes. Oh no. She'd ruin it, ruin everything. Kara seemed to notice the fear, the anxiety, the distress in Lena's eyes and was quick to explain herself.

"I- no Lena it's not because of that I just... I...I love you? But I... We'll talk later okay? I promise. I'm sorry. I love you." She left a quick kiss on Lena's forhead just for good measures and left the same way she'd come in.

 

_________

 

"C'mon Alex, pick up, pick up..."

"Jesus Kara, what's going on my phone is blowing up from all the texts you sent me what's wrong?" 

"Alex! Thank Rao!" Kara exclaimed, startling even herself and almost dropping her phone in the process. That would've a pain, considering she was floating in the sky, high enough to touch the atmosphere. She had no idea how she had any signal.

"What's going on?" Alex asked again, slightly less worried now that she knew her sister was at least still alive.

"Alex, Alex... Lena kissed me." Saying it made it feel so real, like not just a dream or a prayer. It happened. All she got from Alex though, was a pause and then laughter.

"Well finnaly! And now Maggie owes me dinner!" Kara was taken aback, they were betting on her relationship with Lena? Seriously? Was Kara the only one that hadn't seen this coming?

"What? Alex no focus, I... There's something about the nightmares I had in the coma that I haven't told you, or anyone else." That seemed to do the trick, and Alex was back to her overprotecting self.

"Come over, Maggie won't be home in a few hours, we can talk." Kara exhaled out a thank you and hang up, already making her way to Alex's appartment.

 

_________

 

They sat on the couch, drinking tea from colorful mugs. Kara had changed from her suit and into some of Alex's hidden comfy clothes. They sat in silence, sipping their drinks. Kara spoke up first.

"The reason the nightmare felt so real wasn't just because of the pain, but it was mostly because sometimes, Lena in the dreams was, well, Lena. My Lena. And in the nightmare, she'd say sorry sometimes, she'd say sweet things like she would in real life. And she'd kiss me sometimes... So when she kissed me tonight I thought... I thought I was back, that I'd never left and I just, I panicked." Alex nodded, understandingly, not urging her but allowing her to continue if she wished. And she did.

"I really do love her Alex. And I'm scared that I may have ruined everything because I got scared. I can't... I can't lose her." Alex smiled at her baby sister, invincible but oh so fragile.

"Just tell her that, she'll understand, she always has, right? There's no reason she wouldn't this time."

"But Alex, I... I pushed her away." Kara whispered quietly, her words laced with doubt.

"Don't worry, you'll get through it, the both of you."

**Author's Note:**

> First fic! Kudos and comments are always appreciated! :)


End file.
